Monday, December 19, 2016

The Old Man's Laughter

'Why do we have mountains grandpa?'
For the little creature who looked at the world around as if it was arranged just for her wholly by her grandfather, it wasn't an odd question at all. It was as natural as asking why they always had rice for dinner in the night.

The old man who never bothered to run behind her had surprisingly sharp ears for his age to catch the squeaky voice that traveled from a few feet ahead of him. 'Well, to push the rivers down all the way to the oceans I suppose. '

' But we don't have any rivers. ' she said tugging at his arm playfully after having ran back to where he was walking. She loved his huge arm and her eyes used to become a magnifying lens of their own and examine the complex web of wrinkles. She was always full of awe at how every hair on his body was pure shining white. She never asked him his age. Somehow she knew deep within that he was one thousand years old. That's what she had told her friend. Her friend didn't believe it ofcourse. But then there was no way to make him believe because he would never come when grandpa was around. Or anybody else for that matter. But when she had told them about her friend, it was only her grandpa who believed that he really existed and that he also had wings with which he could fly.

The old man didn't answer. Not because he ignored what she said. He had learned that not all questions are there to be answered. Some questions can live on their own. They don't need an answer to resolve themselves. They are independent. Appearing and disappearing and floating around by their own free will.

They were about to reach the stream where he liked to sit. A helpless smile appeared on his face as he saw what an effect the stream always has on his granddaughter. Even before it came into sight, she would run around, spin around him making him sing all the silly songs that she made up herself. Through her tiny hands pulling him, he used to feel the rush of the cool refreshing touch of water. It was as if the stream used to call him in her sweet impatience. Nobody could make out whether what appeared on his face was a smile or a tear drop. It was in her, years ago that he had found a lasting relief as he let go the few remains of his broken heart. In her cool, refreshing touch that kissed his feet, there was a world to remember and a world to forget.
He sat on the rock, leaving his feet to the water. As he closed his eyes, he could feel his feet flow with the stream, while his head floated up to the chirping birds and the whispering leaves.

After some time he could feel her sitting next to him. She had been back since a while. But she couldn't call him or tug at his arm as she would do otherwise. She waited watching swarms of tiny fish swim around his feet. The moment he opened his eyes, she poured the treasure that she had gathered into his hands. This was something they did everytime they came to the stream and he knew how much she looked forward to it. He would pick up the most interesting of the pebbles and tell her a story around it. She loved the stories. She also waited for the day, when she would find a magic pebble. A truly magical one. She knew he was only person in the world who could identify it if it was found.

Not all the stories that he started had an end. Sometimes it would go into a different story altogether. A story within a story. It was hard to keep track. Sometimes it used to become too complex. 'I think it's getting late!', is what he would say in such cases. She knew he was making it up and didn't really know what to say next. But she would never say it to him. She loved him and didn't want to see him not knowing what to say. 'he knows everything!' is what she had told her friend. 

Today the story was of the mountains. But he was tired and it wouldn't go too far. But her mind was still in the mountain top.
'Why is our mountain bald grandpa? '
' Because it is old. And wise like me ? ', he said burying the last word under a huge bout of laughter.
Her twinkling eyes looked at him,wanting him to stop.' Why do you laugh like that. I get scared! ', she screamed wrapping her arms around him in a desperate effort to feel that he's still there. She had a huge fear that he might just go with his tumultuous laughters one day and never come back.
He looked at her worrying eyes and couldn't help another bout of laughter till tears rolled down. She touched his cheek in a playfully curious way, as his body stopped quaking and settled after the laugh. He beamed at her, his eyes shining. It was these moments which came many times after his bouts of laughter that she felt they spoke without words. Their eyes flowed into each other like rivers.
'Will I laugh like you one day? ', she asked, her voice not of a child anymore, strangely steady and full of meaning.
' Who knows? '. The remaining smile on his face faded like the fading of a rainbow. He looked up at the sky as if his eyes could see stars even in the day.
' Your eyes shine of the most purest wonder. And you can dance and giggle. When they take that away from you, you will learn to hope and dream. And it will put a smile on your face that people around you will envy. When they take that away, you can dig deeper and you will find your tears. Make sure you don't drop them just anywhere. Come around to this stream even if I am not around and offer your tears to this stream for all that it has given us, will you? '
He waited for her to nod before he continued.
' When you are about to become old, walk up these bald mountains. They know how to laugh. You know why he's bald? He laughed so much one day that it shook off all the trees at the top. ', and he laughed loudly once again.
' see, that's how even I lost my hair! '
And he tickled her. She squealed in laughter and shouted,' and your teeth too! '.
He pointed to the only one tooth in the front that was left,' but this one is refusing to fall. It makes me look ugly. Will you make me laugh hard enough so that it goes away? ',he said as he got up.

It was time to go. She ran up ahead. That one tooth did make him look terrible she thought. But she loved him and it didn't matter.

The sky tired of holding up the day for so long was dripping with colours of unfathomable beauty and far off in the village the smoke from the chimneys had begun tracing a way right upto where the stars would be popping out. In those moments which are always cruelly brief where the earth meets the sky and the day meets the night, the old man and his little granddaughter walked hand in hand back towards their home.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Hiding Place

Come down here following the trail. A trail that cannot be spotted by eyes. Hang your eager breath onto it and then watch the beating of your heart to know where to turn. I have left the silk veil open. Walk in before it is lost, into the untrodden path where footprints disappear.

Come down here where the stream slows down. Lingers playfully as if no one is watching. This is the hiding place where all things of magic are yet to learn how to be shy.

Remember the time you couldn't say that which couldn't be contained? We wondered where it went the next day. This is where it came and has been ever since. Listen to this silence that trembles on trembling lips just before that which cannot be said is lost in words. Here it floats like a mist  growing thicker dissolving even the mountains.

No one knows we are here. And yet, here we are.

Monday, November 21, 2016

As the evening disappears
Without a letter
Unspoken promises
Wander orphaned.

I search my bag
With urgent fingers
Dismissing one memory
After another. 

Monday, November 14, 2016

        They call me a chipmunk. I don't really like the name. And there's never a chipmunk. We are two. That's how we come. Paired.

        I love to run. I love to shoot myself like an arrow,halting suddenly without a sound to ponder and nibble.

        I nibble at hard coverings till they crack. Sometimes this wanting to open becomes like a frenzy of its own. I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe I'm just looking for a surprise.

          He is just like me. There's an invisible rope tying us both. When its given a sharp tug or pull, we get into a frantic chase. Then I'm not myself anymore. I scream with ecstacy as I am pulled and swept faster than the wind right behind his flying tail. We barely touch the ground. Winding and unwinding unending circles up and down along tree trunks.

         Our chase might like look just for fun, but  for someone who latches onto the winding trail that we leave on the air around will know that we are the ones who create lilt in all music!


Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Remember that morning
That lost its way,
Took a wrong turn
On its way to work
And lingered unsure
Under that huge smiling tree?

Remember that dream,
The dream you dreamt the night before
That somehow spilled
And mixed
With the morning mist?

Friday, October 28, 2016

Just as the ripples
on the water surface
turning silence
of a mute reflection
into a song..

As the million droplets
bursting forth,
from the mad rush
of a mountain spring
leaping to touch the moon

As the hovering buzz
of the bees
weaving ribbons
of light beams
into a dance

As the colours
of the evening sky
melting and dripping,
colouring the treetops
and faces and hearts,

You too..

Weightless,
free,
floating
and full of magic!
A solitary bird
pushes across
the empty desert sky
bereft of clouds,

followed by eyes
burnt out with too much thirst,
bereft of the rain
that showers only
from the sight
of the beloved's face!

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Leaves have settled
on the path
Green and yellow
Waiting to be swept away
And walked upon

Words still fly wanton
Driven by the winds of thought
Falling out of the edges
Of the mosiac of my mind

A few will come perhaps
and fall green and yellow
To float with the untraceable
Entrancing circles
In the soothing waters
Of your heart

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Windows filter in the night sky
Sending out in watery smoke
Dreams that outgrow
sleepless eyes.

Shivering from more
Than just cold
this blanket of nightly hush
keeps warm.

Where a blink is more
Than a thousand tears shed
And a mere sigh
Spans distances of the stars!

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

As the invisible arms
Of your gaze
Wrap around and dissolve mine
Into the depths of the deepest oceans
Bathing in the light of a sleepless moon..

My heart opens to watch
The tiny bird mount
The unmeasured breathless spaces
In ever expanding spirals,
Its shrill chirping heard and unheard
The tiny dot of its existence
Seen and unseen!

Here I am sitting at the edge,
My gaze swept directionless
By the gentle ripples.
Not waiting anymore
For the words that drowned
To resurface!



Sunday, September 18, 2016

Hush, don't point me
to the blossom
I would rather drown
in the fragrance alone

Forget the sweetness
Of the nector
I would rather be dizzy
On the buzz
Of the maddened bees

Its never the sound 
of approaching footsteps
The sky tries in vain 
to paint a face
I tremble yet again 
only to hear my own heart race
Till all the rest 
Fall silent. 

Saturday, September 10, 2016

When a butterfly trembles
Ever so gently
On a flower

It is not drinking
It is not breathing
It is not resting

It is gathering strength
In a flash of a moment
To dissappear!

Monday, September 5, 2016

My moon comes to me
Every night
Howling and mad
Weeping and sad

And I know,
it is no baby
To be hushed
And put to sleep!

My moon comes to me
When it is dark
Laughing and falling and weak
Barely able to speak

And I know
That it will never
Stop to tell me
What it is all about! 

Monday, August 22, 2016

The weight of a flower
Doesn't cast a burden
The colors of a rainbow
Can't be too bright
The drifting shadow
Of a cloud doesn't steal light
And the pain of the heart
Cannot hobble love's flight

The absent moon shall shine
Through a million stars!

Friday, July 22, 2016

I took you in
Bit by bit
Drop by drop
Breath by breath
Not knowing where
You scattered and settled
Within me.

But now I create you
Whenever I want.
As I graze this
Eternal lazy afternoon,
I make you
With slow settling leaves
Or blowing and merging
Of drifting clouds
watching you being made
And rhythmically fade
Revealing the same sky
In newer and deeper sighs! 

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Clouds have given in
To an unspoken longing

And the wind stands still
With it's breath stolen

As the steady drops
Now roll off the leaves
in trembling silence

Every single patter
Raises thrills
of an unknown joy

I watch through the window
Like a bird with wet feathers
Perched with closed eyes

Ambushed by the beating
Of a heart
that I still can't recognize
As mine.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Currents merging and breaking
Ripples appearing and disappearing
Fallen leaves and loosened stalks
Drowning and surfacing..

Into this magic
That bends light
and slows time!

My eyes can touch
my hands can see
And my ears dive deep
Into a cloud of silence
Floating high above the stream
Holding the dragon flies
In their incessant buzz
And the dance of light!

Monday, June 20, 2016

Make way!

Make way
for mountains of wind
and storms
of maddening fragrance
raising mind breaking
desires, unlocking
relentless floods of tears,
leaving behind
oceans
of all consuming silence!

All this
any moment
before or after
the shedding
of a random leaf
or locking
and unlocking
of an unsure gaze!

Friday, June 3, 2016

Night

The night that loved me
Through tender sleeplessness
Lies awake even now
In broad daylight
Where your secret heart moves
In and out of my sight.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

I have wondered endlessly
Of what is that slips
In and out,
while the light beams
fall out
off a gushing stream
like tears drops,
dropping from the edge
of an irresistible laughter!

What is it that peeps
its head
In moments that pause
Of their own accord
And disappear
Like a bird flashing
Only it's tail
As it does its vanishing act

My heart barely beats,
Now struck with wonder
Trying to catch
A few color drops out of
A fast disappearing rainbow! 

Monday, May 16, 2016

I didn't merely hear your voice
I felt it pour down my head
Leaving me drenched.
Baffled with my own fresh tears
I walked into your song!

Once inside,
I realized
with the sudden stopping
of my heartbeat,
that this is no song..

.. But a temple where
naught can be heard..
And the growing silence
anticipates in slow
and solitary water drops,
the ominous footfall
of my Master! 

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Your coming
And going
Is like my own breath
That betrays me
every second

When I am close to you
I am drowning!

As I step away
With every step
I see the world
Collapsing into you

And I let go
Into this strange
And fragrant mist
That rises all around!

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Love

What is it that joins
the night to the day
and day to give in
to the night yet again

What is it
that makes me feel
that the song of the tiny bird
that cut through the cloud
making perfect circles
in the unending sky..
is the same
as the one
of a dried up leaf
yet unheard
touching the ground
in its final resting sigh

What is that make
the raindrops
as I hold in my hands
and your eyes
as I hold
in my own
seem forever new

What is it
that makes
even broken hearts
to beat as one..
and what is it
that brings me
under the glowing sun..

back to where I started! 

Friday, May 6, 2016

An uninvited tease
In the silent skies
Of the hopeless

Clouds of dusty fragrance
Raise ashes of burnt out hopes
And the heart quivers
in ecstatic fear
Of giving in..

To too sweet a promise

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

At your feet

I will sleep at your feet today
Sleep to never get up
Never wake up to watch you leave

In the quenching
Of this thirst
Which has burned my heart
All this while
Deep into this quenching
I fall forever

As I sleep
I will never get up to hear
The gentle flowing of a stream
never to hear the chirping
Of birds maddened by the vastness of the skies
And the moon drowning
In its own wine!

I will sleep so long at your feet
That the stream will flow through me
The maddened birds
 perch on me
The moonlight reflecting on me
As it reflects from the desert sand.

Today I give up and sleep at your feet

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Struck!

As I am struck by your beauty
My smile is merely
The gentle waving
of a few unburnt leaves
Of a tree destroyed by lightening!

हर हर महादेव!

Out of simple innocent fools
You made senseless devils
Who would laugh in glee
Their own boiling blood,
An intoxicating wine.

Intoxicated beyond all fear
You taught us to include
Danger, death and blood
Into one ecstatic dance!


Thursday, April 28, 2016

Magic

Life is magical. And magic is painful. Because it happens in moments. One has to wait just long enough till the mind has given up hope. Nothing less. Because surprise is such an important ingredient. The most unthinkable to jump in the face in the most unexpected moment. Overtaken by awe, I want it to happen just one more time, but the same trick can't be repeated twice. It was so short and so beautiful that the mind hardly remembers.

What a nuisance!

Like two lovers who would never meet but rather go on building a wilder and crazier romance, to be drowned one day in their own irresistible sighs.

Not just the world. And not just the people. But even my own mind that is pining to see some magic is in itself as magical as a brick floating in mid air. And my heart in moments still does things that are not comprehensible.

And magic doesn't fill the heart. It leaves it thrilled but empty. Today I realized that after all these years I am just a kid wanting to see the same trick again and again. And once the trick is done, the magician resumes his unsmiling disposition as if nothing ever happened. And one is left waiting without a promise.
So magic and a whole lot of nuisance.


Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Breathless

Take my breath away,
Take it, it's yours to breathe.
And let me fall free
Into the sweet chasm
Of breathlessness that opens
... as you wrap your eyes around me!

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Enter
as you would
your own house
My heart
dimly lit
Is now empty
But yours to rest

I will wait quietly
for you to leave,
To see the roof
come crashing down.
For what good is a roof
That keeps the rain out
And hides the sky!


Monday, April 18, 2016

Precious!


I have seen you
Much before my own eyes
I keep you much deeper
Than my own heart

I look at you
when you are not around
And I hold you,
with my own breath held..
Trying not to make a sound!


Sunday, April 17, 2016

Tree at the end of the road


There is a huge tree at the end of the road. Below the tree is an eternally overflowing garbage bin. The tree is so huge that it feels like, it's foliage spans miles. Nobody ever stopped in its shade because of the garbage bin. But it has stood there even before I was born. Shooting upwards is the strong stench from the garbage bin and showering down just as constantly are tiny countless leaves, languishing in their own complex circles before they touch the tar road. Over the years of passing by this bend, I had learnt to ignore both. 

And today after so many years when my mind was dizzy with the circling thoughts in my head, my feet came to a gentle unexpected halt. I looked up and felt something asking for my attention. As the tree continued to say nothing, I felt overwhelmed by its immense foliage. It is a sky by itself. Leaves as sparkling as stars, together creating an unspeakable embrace. I was  overcome with gratitude, though not because of the coolness of its shade. Not because of its height or it's awe-inspiring breadth. Not because it stands on the start of the road that leads upto my house. I bowed down simply because it has stood there for long. 

It has stood there for such a long time, that either you can pass by completely oblivious to it, or you can look up and be showered upon with the tremendous beauty and mystery that has simply gathered and become a part of it through all these years. The tree has become like the sky by just being there, constantly, for a long time. I felt at home near it, because time has literally filled into its existence and made it wide and huge. There is a lot of space over there for one who is lost. Not just the physical space and shade. That almost any tree can give. But here in the presence of something that has simply been and existed silently, for all this mind boggling span of time, there's a space into which my very stifled being can rest and expand. I took so much time running around and getting beaten down. After all these years of my life, today I look up at this tree which probably knows everything about me. But it doesn't matter when I choose to look up. Even if I had looked up many years ago, it would have still showered unconditional, uncontainable love!


Stars shall light up the way
Only when the destination is lost!

My tired head in your bosom
Only when the breath is gone!

Rainbow will shine in the clear sky
Only next morning
After the storm has broken down walls
And the roof has flown!

Magic

In those secret places
Where borders fade
And each into other seep
Where fishes soar skyward
And the birds dive deep.

Where the earth trusts the sky
And the words are forgotten
Winds stand still
And the breath lays stolen

Do such places of magic exist?
Yes, but not where eyes can see
Or hands can touch

And yet their existence as real
And as true
As the falsehood of our being two
Instead of one.





Whirling

Sweet, yes sweet,
this poison of waiting!
But no rest!

The crazy whirling dervish
Whirls to pause for a moment
All that whirls around him

All has slipped out of hand
Unhooked, slipped
At the mercy of winds
That don't know the pain of the heart!

When will this waiting die?
Or will it outlive my whirling?

Sweet, too sweet this poison
But no death...